Admit it. We’ve all thought about it. We’ve all thought, “All my friends are getting engaged, married, and starting families.
When will that will ever be me?”
Taken with my iPhone from a shirt Rachel bought me last year.
Am I right or am I right? Well my siblings in Christ, I’m here to tell you how to find Mr./Mrs. Right (in just two steps). Warning: This is a LONG blog post, so make sure to have some coffee and snacks on hand.
Master the Art Form of Being Single
It’s okay to be picky.
For the last nine years, people have constantly asked me, “Why is a girl like you single?” My answer for about seven of those nine years was always, “I’m too busy for a guy. I don’t have time. I work, go to school, and take care of my mom, so I have no time.” Only after finding myself did I realize that I had been giving the wrong answer the whole time.
My decision to be single for nearly a decade is because I’m picky.
There. I said it. (Don’t get me wrong. I’m not being so picky to where I’m not looking. I still have my bait out there, I feel that I just haven’t caught the right fishie yet.)
You feel the same way too? Do you feel that if you met the right guy or girl, you would “MAKE time” for him or her no matter how busy you are?
At first, I thought having criteria was wrong, that I wasn’t being fair by not giving others a chance, but as time went on and guys walked in and out of my life, I began to learn who I was, what I wanted from life, and the different types of guys there are out there. With each experience, I became a bit pickier because I did not want to deal with guys who were not only unsure about their lives, but of themselves, their beliefs (in whatever it may be), and what they wanted out of life.
Being single has contributed to helping me learn about who I am and what I want in my future husband. Like I said in my previous notes in 2009, I’m happy to say that I am not one of those girls who tries hard by changing their morals, values, and beliefs just to have someone not break up with them or be with someone or to gain someone’s love/attention. That’s just not what I believe if one wants to find true happiness.
While you’re single, learn about yourself and who you are.
I will never forget the scene in the earlier years of Gossip Girl when Nate Archibald was talking to Blair Waldorf about who she was to him. His words had hit me so hard that I sat up and wrote it down: “You can’t fight who you are.”
I learned from God that He made me an all-around girl. Call me weird, but I notice the opposite on a lot of my shopping trips. As I look around stores and watch other girls shop, it reassures me that being an all-around girl is more than fine. By all-around girl, I mean that I’m not tied to being just a girlie girl, sporty girl, or a tomboy nor am I interested in only fashion, video games or sports. I am a huge mix and love to dabble in a little bit of everything!
While shopping, I was also glad to realize that I don’t have a particular style, only a signature style: color. (Trust me when I say I’m the one you would be able to spot on the busy streets of a metropolitan city, haha!) I’m not preppy, emo, feminine or anything. I’m Huong. I dress how I feel: casual, sporty, sophisticated, tasteful punk-rocker, woman in power suit (haha), whatever makes me feel confident for the day. As I continued to watch other shoppers, I began to really embrace the fact that it’s okay to have an interest in everything: video games, fashion, sports, museums, history, politics, science, religion, culture, writing, reading, art, traveling, etc., and not just clothes and makeup. I’m happy being different and feel great that I bring variety to my friendships and the world. I feel that being single for awhile has contributed to my all-around personality too and I’m happy to be a great mix!
While you’re single, learn who you want to be with.
I am so excited that God has taught me to be happy at the fact that I’m picky with guys. I trust God and His plans for me, so I have no problem being single doing my thing, contributing to His kingdom all while waiting for the one for me. On my journey, I have learned that I want a guy who’s a Christian, but not just any Christian, a God-fearing Christian who loves the Lord with ALL of his heart. I want someone who loves Him more than He would love me. I want someone who is funny, goofy, witty, passionate, contemplative, thoughtful, brave, has goals in life, and has his morals and values grounded. I want someone who is enthusiatic about life and learning. I want someone who won’t change their beliefs for anyone else and will stick to their guns believing that there is someone out there who will love/like them for who they are. Most of all, I want someone who trusts God so much to a point where being single is okay with him because he believes that the love of his life is out there and that it’s only a matter of time because God is doing the planning.
While you’re searching, have faith and don’t change who you are.
Being on the opposite side of the road from Blair, I am fighting for who I am and I will not change nor think about changing because I want someone who’s just like me: happy with who they are, picky, loves God, and is excited about life no matter what’s happening to them/going on around them.
I know God has, is, and will take great care of me. He will take awesome care of you too.
I know and believe in Him with all of my heart. That’s one of my proudest attributes. Is that an attribute you have or are working on?
I trust God with everything in my life. Including finding the love of my life. Do you wholeheartedly trust Him?
He knows who I’m looking for because I tell Him. He also knows who He wants for me because with each guy I come across, the next guy is better than the last. My Lord proves to me that He is working by weeding out all the ones who aren’t meant for me. Tell me, does He know your desires?
All you have to do on your end is put your requests in His to-do box, pray, continue to pray boldly, and have faith in Him. I firmly believe that the one God has planned for you exists. Until you find him or her, be happily single, go after your own dreams, and obey God’s commands all while waiting patiently. The thrilling part is KNOWING that s/he’s out there.
Yes, being single is hard because having patience is hard too, but we need to learn that it’s God’s watch and not ours. We have to see that no one else has His watch, that His is one-of-a-kind and most of all, that it’s not broken. When you trust in Him, you will end up saying or even thinking, “Yep, God knows best and when.” and smile about it.
In the meantime, learn about yourself, the world, and love others. Factor in what you want from life and people, learn from your experiences, and have patience. Being single won’t be so hard anymore because by then, you would’ve mastered an art, something that not a lot of people cannot do
Seek a God-loving Man/Woman
A few years ago, someone new came into my life wanting to date me, but he turned out to be someone who used to be a God-loving man. Knowing my Lord is the only One for me, I told him that we were not going there because I know with all my heart and soul that the person I want to be with is someone who loves the Lord more than me. Rachel, my best friend, once asked me why and I explained my reasons on why my guy should love God more than me: by loving God more, he proves to me how strong his faith is during the good and bad times, that no matter what happens, he will always trust God, lean on Him, and give Him all the glory/praise He deserves. I know that if he does that with the Lord, that our marriage will be strong and that his love for me will be the same, but of the earthly kind and that’s more than I could ever ask for.
Yes, there are times when being single can make you feel sad or like you aren’t good enough for someone, but when you realize that God has plans for you, the waiting process becomes easier. When you realize that God knows you are good enough, it becomes easier.
For me, I’m single because He has instilled in me to find a man who loves Him first. Going through every guy who has ever said that they cared about me, loved me, etc. has helped me to understand that I’m meeting them for a reason: to be one guy closer to the one of my dreams. I don’t care if I’m not married or engaged like everyone else my age seems to be because my time will come when God sees fit. I love the time I have for myself as I’m moving and shaking things up not only in my life, but in the lives of every person I encounter. I know that when God knows I’m ready and knows that my guy is ready is when I’ll meet a fun, goofy guy and that friendship will develop into something God wants me to have.
Some people look for characteristics such as intelligence, educated, adventurous, spontaneity, humor, etc. right off the bat. Not me. The guy I seek must pass the God-loving part first. When he loves God and knows Him, I’m sure he’ll have the rest of the characteristics I’m looking for and at that point, you can bet that I will not want to miss out the greatness God has given me.
However, before these two steps, I advise you to SEEK GOD FIRST AND LEARN OF HIS LOVE FOR YOU. Refuse to live without Him and know that you cannot do or have anything without Him.
Many people ask me, “What’s the secret, Huong? Why are you always so happy?”
If you haven’t noticed through my social media sites, I’m really content with the life God has given me. How I express myself on Twitter, Facebook, and this blog is how I truly feel. No hiding. No shame. I’m happy because I refuse to do anything without Him. I know I can’t do anything without Him by my side. By handing my entire life over, I have nothing to worry about. I have no burdens to carry because He’s carrying it all for me. He’s in total control of everything and I LOVE it!
Let me tell you, if you knew everything I have been through, you’d be wondering and asking me why I’m still smiling. In return, let me ask you this, what’s left during our trials and tribulations? What do you have during the difficult times that no one can take away from you? Your hope (that’s why Psalm 130:5 is my fav verse!) and faith. All I did was put every single one of my problems in God’s to-do box, stopped worrying about it and prayed over my problems. It’s that easy! And boy, is He answering! (Yesterday, He answered one of my prayers within six hours. This morning, He answered another one for me and that prayer was a last minute, dear-baby-Jesus-please-make-it-happen prayer, haha!)
If you are struggling with singledom, do the above. Seek Him first, give Him complete control, tell Him what/who you want while you seek a God-loving man/woman, pray about it, and have faith by not worrying about it! It’s so important to have faith.
For me, it’s great to have no worries because I know God will take care of me. Another way to get closer to finding the One is to meet with Him and seeing what He has to say. I love the feeling of being in His house, singing and signing (those who can’t hear need to know about Him too) about His word/love and hearing Poppy’s messages because I know God is using him to speak to me. Many times over, there have been messages that leave me with my jaw on the floor because it was something I prayed about that week or even that day that I didn’t talk to Poppy about personally!
I learned so much and had a lot of fun teaching our little ones for a few years, but since then, God has moved me in a different direction to listen and grow in His word instead. With that, I have been a part of our church’s choir for the last few years and have grown so much more and am now currently following His instructions for leading our church into a revival (more on this later)!
I can feel my faith and relationship with Him getting stronger by the day.
Can you say your relationship with Him is strong or getting stronger? Can you say that you are truly seeking a God-loving man/woman (by doing it His way)?
Just like you, I have days where I feel depressed because I don’t have anyone to share my life with too, but when I think about how God has worked in my life, I know that He’s listening, knows what/who is on my heart, and is constantly reminding me that the one He has plans for me to be with is out there somewhere. He’s telling me that He’s taking His time to mold each of us to be the best before we meet each other so that when we do finally meet, we can be stronger together than we were when we were alone. Can you imagine a strong, dynamic couple helping people, kicking butt, and adding names to the Book of Life in His name?! How humbling, honorable, and fun is that?!
And guess what? The best part is that He’s telling my future guy the same thing.
Thank you so much for reading and for your support!
Have a happy day! Xx